This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
