This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
