i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
