NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
