She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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