I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
