my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
