I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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