i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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