i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
