You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
