ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
