Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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