If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
