Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
