What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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