In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
