and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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