explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
