My first STD was from a foam party
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
