i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
