I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
