first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
