wat bout pragnant strippers??
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
