I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
