Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I could make wine with my vomit
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
