How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
