ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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