Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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