we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
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