You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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