It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
