So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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