She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
