just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
