No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
