They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
