is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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