using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
