Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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