CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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