I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
