theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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