Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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