I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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