You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Randomize
