We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
