So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
