I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
