Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
