You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
