And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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