i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
